In a TED talk with a title "Everyday leadership" by Drew Dudley, Dudley talks about a lollipop moment, a moment where someone said or did something that people feel fundamentally made their life better. He shares a moment that he gave a lollipop moment to other person, which he couldn't not remember and talks a necessity to redefine leadership as lollipop moment.
Actually, I don't have a memory of making other people's life fundamentally better by my own words and behaviors. However, I have a moment that my life became better by other person's words, and want to share it through this post.
Before I came here, Korean Minjok Leadership Academy, I could not believe God though I have gone to church on Sundays since I was born and had a Bible study almost everyday from my parents who were sincere christians. Though I always prayed and sung hymns with my mouth, my heart never thought I was doing them with sincerity. I was just pretending to be a faithful christian in front of people who would get shocked if I confess fake sincerity towards God. Frankly speaking, one of the reasons that I applied to KMLA was to escape from church and parents who kept trying to force me believe what I could not truly believe. After I entered a KMLA, I have never went to church or a prayer meeting as I wished deceiving my parents who kept asking me whether I am continuously going to church. But one day, I went to church since I somehow felt guilty about lying to my parents. Luckily, the worship on that day was not normal but special since an outside youth mission organization specially visited a small country church near our school (it takes 10 minutes to get the church from our school) in order to lead preaching and Bible study, which increased of the worship quality. There I had a special experience which I have never felt before. I could feel I was actually praying and singing hymns to God for the first time, and even realized that God's direction is my path I should go. I even cried as I got so regretful for kept suspecting an actual existence of God and trying to escape from church. I realized that God suddenly 'gave' me a belief towards him.
After I suddenly felt a belief towards him, my life changed a lot. I never missed a church or prayer meetings spontaneously and always tried to think God's direction for me. But the lollipop moment I want to talk about in this post happened after this important change in life.
About one year later after I got a belief towards God, I went through a hard time in KMLA. I lost confidence in everything and got skeptical in my life as I could not find any meaning in life. I was no more fluttered about nothing and kept get depressed as I realized I have no more spirits to even stand in place while others are running towards the better future. As I get through this hard time, I continued praying towards God wailing in order to get an answer of the question, 'What should I do now to get out of this deep hollow?". Though I prayed harder than ever since I was desperate to get out of this depression so that I can run again like my friends towards my future, I could never get the answer from God. As time passed, I got tired of praying since it seemed God was neglecting me though he was the only one I could rely on and slowly became skeptical towards God again. Such doubts slowly piled up, and I finally decided to stop believing in God. From that moment, I began to move away from god fast.
A few days after my heart was completely away from God, I had a chance to hear my friends talking about the Christian religion. One of them was confessing the other, a friend who had a definite and sincere belief towards God, that he is feeling guilty about defying God. To his confession, my friend told him that people always go through a recession in their lives of religion and thought he was in the recession now. She said she understands how he feels now since she had gone through a recession as well and added that she wishes he would nevertheless not give up the belief since thoughts do not change well when people becomes adult. She also told him who felt guilty about praying with a suspicion towards God deep inside the heart that 'Though you cannot fully believe in God, you should pray and confess what you feel. You don't have to fell guilty about it since no one is perfect on their lives of faith. God wants imperfect humans to confess their candid heart." I was shocked and completely moved by her words though he did not seem to be moved by what she told him. As soon as I heard her words, I decided not to let go of the string that connects me with God and honestly confess what I was thinking to God though I am in a situation that I cannot fully believe in him. That day, I wrote a long prayer that confess my suspicion towards God in my Korean blog and started to pray again that asks for an answer to a question, "what I should do now in order to get out of this deep hollow?". Though I don't think I got an answer to that question or assure that I have a strong, definite belief towards him now, it is sure that if I had not heard two friends talking about religion in that moment, I would not believe in God anymore.
This is my end of story about a moment that changed my life of faith. Now, I certainly know what I should tell a person who is in the same situation with me since I've gone through this lollipop moment,
I am not currently "religious" but I have experience with these dilemmas of faith, and I think - as people experience the world and get older - their "faith" will transition and grow and expand and - often - become less about God or Jesus and more about the underlying strength of "faith" itself. It can be faith in family, friends, and ultimately "self" - and if God is reflected in that - even with slight glimmers - then you are on a path. Slight glimmers can always be depended on, but expecting more than that, with bright and glowing revelations, is not easy. Glad you found that glimmering lollipop.
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